Communication: 'a man is allowed to react, a woman can only overreact'
We're honouring one of Taylor Swift's best moments advocating for herself, and ultimately, for all of us. Also, a few personal recommendations on series to watch to find your voice.
We’ve seen it over and over. Women's and girl’s language has been carefully monitored, constrained, and policed for centuries.
‘Girls shouldn’t swear’
‘Ladies don’t raise their voices’
‘Women are more emotional’
It gets tiring, doesn’t it? These are also gender-conforming norms that should also be obsolete by now, same with gender binarism.
But still, half of the world population is statistically a woman (trans or cis), so many of these ideas are still fairly embedded in the popular and public imagination.
If you identify as a woman, please, try to answer the next few rhetorical questions in your head:
How many times has someone called you “too much”?
How many times have you asked to “be quiet”?
How many times has someone tried to tell you to “calm down”?
Or demanded you just use a different tone…?
How many times have your ideas been appropriated by a male counterpart at work?
How many times have people looked at your male partner when talking about finances?
Mansplaining about topics you know everything about much?
I have had them all. Every woman I talk to has experienced some or all of the above circumstances when trying to be heard at work, in politics, etc. And, of course, if like me, English isn’t your first language, and they detect the slightest hint of Hispanic, then you’re doomed. You can even gradually tell when the tone starts becoming patronising and they are ready to infantilise you.
Personal communication matters
The United Nations Development Program says: “Like social norms in general, gender social norms are often maintained through social sanctioning, where behaviour abiding by norms is socially rewarded and transgression penalized. Social sanctioning can be powerful enough to cause people to adhere to social norms they do not agree with. Some women in management positions engage in behaviours that put men at ease, such as showing meekness and refraining from competitive behaviour, to navigate the institutionalized gender dynamics of their workplaces. These dynamics in turn might reinforce biased attitudes that men make better executives and leaders than women. You can read it here.
Something that tends to happen quite often is that we attach, sometimes randomly, a moral value to what a woman says. Often trying to label our intentions as “good” or “bad”, whereas our male partners don’t have to go through this. They can pursue their objectives, be ambitious, or have lots of aspirations. As Taylor Swift put it in her famous 2019 interview: ‘a man can be strategic, a woman calculates’.
And my personal favourite:
'a man is allowed to react, a woman can only overreact'
See the tiny shift in the language there? Social sanctioning at its best, my dears.
There is a different vocabulary that we use for men and women, not only in the music industry but everywhere else too.
Controlling how women communicate in the workplace damages your organisation’s possibilities to succeed
When something is unfair, it’s reason enough to stop that kind of behaviour or change attitudes.
But just in case anyone in the room needs a good reminder today, here are some ways in which controlling how women communicate in the workplace damages your company/organisation’s possibility to succeed; Therefore, this is also going to impact your PR, reputation, and overall turnover.
Loss of good ideas, a different perspective, or other criteria on your work lines.
Facing a PR crisis with all the damage to your reputation, which could also end in having to invest a fair amount of money to make it go away.
Risking possible lawsuits, as this behaviour is considered discriminatory in most countries.
Negative impact on company culture, which can also lead to a toxic environment and more people leaving the company.
Companies are also part of our society, they are filled with individuals who can cast a vote and decide who’s going to be next in our already fragile democracies. If we don’t keep these behaviours in check, we risk everything we are, and even the most basic human rights.
Learning how to keep systems in place is crucial to protect women’s voices and make sure they are heard and not punished for having a discordant opinion. If you have read all the way through and still have no idea what I’m talking about, I suggest an educational course, and contacting someone who works in DEI. Even if your brand is new, or small, these biases exist everywhere, and it’s in our best interest as a society to understand and overcome them.
And, now, for the fun part of the article, let’s talk about series.
A few series to watch and find your voice as women:
Anne with an E: perfect for this fall, and amazing to watch with younger girls at home. It's cosy, witty, and very wholesome.
Dickinson: who doesn’t love a good romance story? Here there's plenty, plus lots of wit, fun, and tons of poetry. Two young women seeking each other out constantly and trying to find a voice of their own.
Good Girls Revolt: journalism in the late 60s, a newsroom filled with young women trying to get their articles signed by themselves and proving they can be as good - or even better- than your average Jon Doe.
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel: women occupying a public space, especially in the mid-50s, in comedy while risking being called a ‘bad mum’.
The Girls on the Bus: four very different journalists collaborate and argue as they follow a political campaign bus ride with its fair share of personal drama. It’s perfect to understand the pressures journalists and people in media are under.
Please, don’t be a stranger. I started this newsletter to be able to change the conversation on a few topics, including how dynamics in social media currently are. Let me know your thougths and series recommendations, I’m a sucker for a good series, podcast or book.